


Camp Littlebrook

by Eggpants



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Camping, F/F, Genderbending, Horror, Unrequited Crush, big gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23971897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggpants/pseuds/Eggpants
Summary: Everyone's favorite extremists are in girl scouts for some reason. Wacky hijinks ensue when they decide to go camping one weekend.Yeah I'm bad at making titles die mad about it
Relationships: auth unity - Relationship, leftist unity - Relationship
Comments: 21
Kudos: 54





	1. Movie Night

It’d been awhile since troop 1312's last excursion. Five months, to be exact. They had temporarily suspended any camping trips in order to prepare for cookie season - the pittance the troop earned from each box was just enough to fund 2 trips per year. There were only 4 members, after all, and two of them refused to participate in “capitalist extortion,” leaving only two members who actively participated in sales. Ancap was dismayed with the recent dip in profits, but no one else seemed overly concerned. The lazy bunch of freeloaders.

There had used to be a lot more people in this troop, but with time, most of them grew out of Girl Scouts. But the four who remained enjoyed the opportunity to hang out and briefly escape the hellish neoliberal status quo of modern society. Over time, each of them had become interested in a different radical ideology, and while they didn’t agree politically, they were still close friends. Nowadays, Girl Scouts was basically the only opportunity they had to hang out, as they had all gone to different high schools and were always busy with their praxis.

"So guys, are we gonna play truth or dare?" White Identitarian asked. They had only just arrived at the campsite Friday night and had dinner - some pizza they had picked up at a nearby Domino's. They were staying at Piney Point, her favorite site. They were all too tired to explore, though, so they were in the process of getting changed into their pyjamas.

"Come on Nazi, we always play truth or dare." Ancom replied. "Let’s do something else."

“Hey! Don’t call me that! You know I’m not a Nazi, I’m a race realist.”

“I agree with anarkiddy,” said Tankie, interrupting the argument that would inevitably ensue. 

“You libtards have no respect for tradition, do you,” sighed the fascist. “Fine, we can do something else, I _guess_.”

“Anyone want to watch a movie? I illegally downloaded a bunch on my phone,” suggested Ancom.

“Seriously Ancom? How are the companies that produced those movies going to make a profit?”

“Oh, boo hoo, the rich millionaires are going to lose a couple bucks that could have gone towards the exploitation of minorities,” Ancom retorted. “Now whaddya guys wanna watch?”

They gathered around Ancom’s screen to see what movies qui had on quir phone. "Ooh, my boyfriend keeps telling me to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I know it is old movie, but he say it is very scary,” suggested Tankie.

"You have a boyfriend?!" the others exclaimed in shock.

"да," she replied. “We meet two weeks ago. His name is Justin.”

“Is he cute?” smirked Ancap.

“I show you.” Commie pulled out her phone and began looking through her photos to find a good picture of him. 

"Well… He's not THAT cute," commented Ancom, looking over her shoulder. The others scrambled to see. She showed them a selfie of the two of them in the hallway between classes. For some reason, Nazi already didn't like this Justin character, and not just because he wasn’t aryan.

"What's he like?" Qui probed.

"Well, he is a fellow comrade. And he is very strong. He play football, and he crush capitalists." she mused.

"You two are cute together,” commented Ancap. “I’ll choose to ignore that last bit.” 

Ancom still looked like qui was in disbelief, a distant sound to quir voice as qui spoke. "I just… I still can't believe you didn't tell us this sooner!"

Tankie giggled. “I did not think you would be so excited.”

“Of course we’re excited, Commie! This is a bigger disaster than the stock market crash of 1929!” Ancap grinned.

"I don't wanna interrupt or anything, but I thought we were planning on watching a Texas Chainsaw Massacre…?" Identitarian interrupted.

"My first choice would have been The Wolf of Wall Street, but I suppose we can watch this…”

"Shut up kulak, no one cares about your capitalist propaganda.”

Ancom propped quir phone up against the pillow and started playing the movie while the other settled in with their blankets.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

After the movie had finished, Ancom checked the time and noticed that it was already 12:32 AM. "What time do we have to get up tomorrow?" 

"Uhh, I think 7." Ancap answered, climbing up the ladder to her bed.

"Ugh, why so early?” Ancom groaned.

White Nationalist got up and rolled her eyes. "Since when has that stopped us from staying up late and telling scary stories?"

"I dunno Nazi, I'm kinda tired. Maybe we should try getting some sleep for once." Ancap responded. 

"Do you degenerates even care about our shared culture?”

"I think Ancap has a point for once. Good night." With that, Ancom rolled over and pulled the blanket over quir head. A couple minutes passed in silence.

“We can still tell stories if you want, fascist scum,” whispered Tankie.

Nazi paused for a few seconds to consider the offer. “Thanks, but… I think I’m good.”

"Is something wrong?”

“No, it’s just… I’m sick of you cultural marxists trying to change our traditions.”

“We are just tired,” Commie said dismissively. “I am sure anarkiddy and the kulak will be back to normal in the morning.”

“Yeah… I guess.” Race Realist yawned. She wasn’t sure how to explain the feeling that something was off. Tankie was too optimistic sometimes, as evidenced by her belief that communism would somehow work if it was tried again.

“Well, if you do not want to talk, we should go to sleep, да? Good night Nazi.”

“Night,” she replied half heartedly. She wasn’t really as tired as she was letting on, but she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep for a good ten minutes before she heard a familiar laugh from the bottom bed of their bunk. She opened her eyes and glanced over the side to see that Tankie was on her phone, texting. 

“Hey Commie, can you keep it down please. I’m trying to sleep,” mumbled Nazi.

“My apologies, fascist. I was just texting Justin.” 

Maybe she was being unreasonable, but this Justin guy just gave Nazi bad vibes. She hadn’t even met him yet, but somehow she already didn’t trust him, and he wasn’t even Jewish. Eventually she drifted off to sleep, the faint glow of Tankie's phone still illuminating their side of the cabin.


	2. Murder In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, this can't be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: (unintentional) misgendering

That morning, at approximately 3:30 AM, the girls (and nonbinary person) were woken up by a chilling scream coming from somewhere within the woods. 

“Oh my god, what was that?!” squealed Ancom, hiding under quir blanket. 

White Identitarian leapt out of bed and rushed over to the window. It was still dark, too dark for her to make out any invaders or immigrants who might be lurking there in the woods. “I can’t see anything, it’s too dark!”

“So this is how we die,” said Ancap, “In a cabin at Camp Littlebrook…”

“It is probably nothing,” said Commie.

“I bet one of the Brownies just learned about Communism for the first time,” Ancap teased.

“Shut up, kulak! Your ideology is far more evil than mine!”

“Someone is going to have to look outside with the flashlight,” said Nazi. It didn’t look like there were any volunteers. She sighed. “You three are pathetic. I guess I’ll do it.”

“Are you sure?? I mean, what if there’s a bear out there! O-or a murderer!” Ancom protested.

“Relax anarkiddy, if it is bear, we will survive. You on other hand… You look tasty,” teased Commie with a wink.

Ancom blushed a little. “Hey!”

Alt-Right cautiously opened the door, making sure to create as little noise as possible. She tiptoed across the creaky porch, shining the flashlight around to make absolutely sure no one was there. Seeing nothing, she turned around and re-entered the cabin, and her friends awaited the report anxiously.

“Didn’t see anything.” They breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“So what do you think it was?” asked Ancap.

“It might have been a fox,” suggested Ancom. “I know they live around here.”

“No way hippie, I seriously doubt foxes sound that much like human screams,” Ancap responded.

“It was probably some capitalist spy trying to trick us,” said Tankie, mild annoyance tingeing her voice. “Let us go back to sleep.”

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

By the time 7:00 had rolled around, the 3:30 incident had been almost forgotten. Each of them had dismissed it as a bizarre dream and nothing more. Commie was always the first one up; by the time the others had risen, she was already at the communal sink brushing her teeth. 

“So guys, what’s in the plans for today?” Ancom asked.

“Hmm, I think we’ve got horseback riding scheduled after breakfast. Then we have fishing if I’m not mistaken.” replied Identitarian.

Just then, Tankie’s phone buzzed. She had left it on her pillow, which just so happened to be close to where the fascist was sitting. She snuck a peek at the notification - of course, it was another text from Justin. But what she saw was concerning.

“Don’t let them find out ab…”

Suddenly, the events from earlier came rushing back to her memory. Everything was too suspicious. Was Commie hiding something? At that very moment, the door to the cabin opened, and the authoritarian leftist re-entered the cabin. Nazi quickly looked away from the phone and tried to act normal. 

“Outhouse is free, anarkiddy.”

Ancom nodded and gathered quir clothes. The other three were fine with changing around each other; they’d been friends for years, but qui didn’t feel comfortable being in quir underwear in front of people. It was mostly due to quir dysphoria, but, they didn’t know that; qui had only come out as nonbinary to Tankie because qui wasn’t sure how the others would react.

Ancom had only been gone about two minutes when they heard the second scream. This time, it sounded even closer.

“The killer is back!” Fascist lunged for the door, but Tankie stopped her. “Do not go out there, Nazi. It is too dangerous.”

“I’m not going to let myself be afraid of that murderer. I’m going to find him and make sure he never comes back.”

“Nazi, stop pretending you’re so tough. If you go out there and violate the NAP, you’ll be killed too.”

“Well, I guess it would be a shame to die for that degenerate…”

“I… I hope anarkiddy isn’t hurt,” said Tankie, looking to the ground. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. Nazi moved over to comfort her.

“Stop being so dramatic, Commie. She’s probably still alive.”

“We must protect ourselves,” said Tankie, wiping her tears on her sleeve. “Someone turn off the lights, and I will lower the blinds. We cannot let the killer know we are here.”

“Should someone call Ms. Hogan?” White Nationalist asked. Ms. Hogan was Ancom’s hapless mom and also the troop leader.

Ancap struggled to contain her laughter momentarily. “You know if anyone’s gonna get murdered around here, it’s her.”

“Okay, good point. I guess we should just wait it out then.”

What felt like hours passed, but in reality it was only thirteen minutes. Of course none of them had been paying attention to the time, so nobody could confirm this. Finally, Ancap got up.

“Kulak, what are you doing?” asked Tankie sternly. Her cheeks were wet; it was obvious that she was worried about the anarchist. Her voice still trembled as she spoke.

“I’m going out.”

“Нет, what if you get killed? Not everyone follows your precious NAP.”

“It’s been long enough. If there was a killer out there, I doubt he would stick around this long. At that point he’s just looking to get caught.”

“Don’t get hurt.”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Armed with her flashlight and her slingshot, Ancap ventured outside. She wasn’t old enough to legally own a gun, but she still wanted to be prepared.

What she noticed immediately is that there were no apparent signs of any murder outside. There was no blood around, and certainly not the corpse of her friend. She felt slight relief at this, but then she realized that if Ancom really was dead, the killer would be stupid to leave the body out in the open. She stepped with caution towards the outhouse. As she got closer, she began to hear a gentle sobbing which she instantly recognized as Ancom. She was still alive after all! Ancap was overcome with relief at this, but she also realized that something must have happened. Between the sobs were some words muttered under strained breath. Ancap couldn’t make out most of what she was saying, but after a couple seconds of listening, she was certain she had heard a particular word - Justin.

She knocked on the door.

“W-who’s there?”

“It’s me, Ancap.”

There was a sigh. “Oh.”

“Look, I’m not sure what happened, but I came to make sure you were still alive.”

“Um, yeah. I’m… fine.”

“Are you sure? I thought I heard-”

“Look, I don’t really want to talk about this, okay?” Her assertiveness took Ancap by surprise. She wasn’t usually so stern.

“You don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to, but I think it would be helpful if you could give me some details about what happened.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” 

“Okay, I’m sorry. Let’s get you back to the cabin.”

“Please don’t tell the others you saw me like this.”

“Don’t worry, I understand.”

“R-really?”

"Yeah, of course. Now come on, wash your hands and let’s go let everyone know you’re alive.”

“Thanks Ancap. I didn’t think you’d understand. I mean, no offense or anything”

“None taken.”

When they arrived back at the cabin, Tankie jumped up to give Ancom a big hug, and Nazi greeted from a distance.

“Anarkiddy, we thought something had happened! You were gone for such long time!” She was squeezing the anarchist so hard qui looked like qui might pop any moment.

“What happened?!” asked Nazi.

Ancom flushed red and looked down at quir feet. “I don’t want to talk about it, I’m sorry, it’s just-”

“It is not problem, we are just so happy you came back!” Tankie exclaimed.

“You guys are so melodramatic,” qui huffed, the embrace cutting off her air supply. “I didn’t think I was gone for that long!”


	3. Horseback Riding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ancom finally decides to spill the beans, but they're not the beans anyone expected

It was only 15 minutes until troop 1312 was booked for horseback riding, and it would take about that long to walk there from the cabin. White Identitarian and Tankie were reluctant, to say the least.

“Oh come on you guys, you’re just being paranoid,” Ancom said, rolling quir eyes. 

“Sorry Ancom, but that sounds like Jewish propaganda to coax me out into the White Genocide.”

“That’s racist!”

“If anything, you’re racist against white people.”

“Stop this nonsense. There are only two classes: the bourgeoisie, and the proletariat. Race is just a capitalist tool to keep the working class divided.”

“You know Tankie, your class reductionism is pretty problematic and it ignores the institutionalized racism and colonialism in this country which prevent people of color from-”

“God, why can’t you morons shut up already? Who cares about race as long as they contribute to the economy. Ancom, I’ll go horseback riding with you.”

“Don’t be foolish. We must stay here and protect our safety.”

“Stop telling us what to do, statist,” Ancom whined. 

“Anarkiddy, you of all people should know how dangerous this is.”

“Last time I checked, Ancap was the only one who’s fallen off the horse, and she’s still coming.” 

Nazi couldn’t help but chuckle, and Ancap rolled her eyes. “That wasn’t my fault, you know.”

“We’re gonna be late if we don’t get going,” Ancom interjected. Qui and Ancap left the cabin, waving their goodbyes.  
  


“I’m sure you’ll agree with me that we should let your mother sleep in,” said Ancap as they passed the leader’s cabin.

“Pfft, of course,” Ancom responded. “What do I look like, an auth?”

“Great.” The two set off down the trail that lead to the stables.

“Hey Ancap… I was kind of thinking maybe we could talk about what happened earlier?”

“Really?” She raised her eyebrows, curious to learn the details of what her fellow anarchist had witnessed now that she was willing to share. “You’re sure you want to?”

Ancom nodded sheepishly. “I think I need to get this off my chest.”

“It’s Justin, isn’t it.”

“....yeah.”

“I knew it! I thought I heard you saying something about him under your breath.”

“How much did you hear?”

“Oh, not much.”

“Promise not to tell anyone this, okay?”

Ancap was confused by this request, but she knew she would have to agree if they were going to get any leads on the situation. “Promise.”

“Well, it’s just…” qui looked down, unable to make eye contact. Qui picked at quir nails, struggling to find the words. Ancap took a swig from her thermos. Then, Ancom took a deep breath. “I think I have a crush on Tankie.”

Ancap spat out her water. “WHAT?!” Out of all the things that could have come out of quir mouth, that was one thing she completely didn’t expect.

“I didn’t expect you to be so surprised. Why did you think I was so upset about Justin?” Qui looked up to make eye contact once more, and Ancap wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

“I…. I…” There were simply no two ways to put it. “We heard the scream and thought you’d witnessed a murder.” She could practically see the gears turning in quir head. “To be honest, I thought you were going to tell me Justin was the killer.”

Quir eyes widened. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have told you, I shouldn’t have-”

Ancap cut her off with a gentle hug. “It’s okay, Ancom. I mean, you know I don’t care about that or anything. It’s just not the secret I was expecting. If anything, this just means I can exploit you for monetary gain by pretending to sympathize with your movement.”

“I knew I could trust you Ancap,” qui sobbed into her shoulder. “I’ve known since 6th grade, but I just didn’t think I could tell anyone. And then hearing she has a boyfriend…”

“So that’s why you would never tell us who you liked in Truth or Dare.” 

She nodded. 

“You could have just lied, you know.”

At this most inconvenient time, they happened to arrive at the stables. 

“Hey, whaddya say we ditch the horseback riding and continue this conversation instead?” Ancap proposed, gesturing to a nature trail that branched off the path they were walking.

Ancom nodded absently. “I’d like that.” She stared off into the distance, clearly trying to process the new information. “You know, it all makes sense now. Why everyone was so scared to leave the cabin… Why everyone was so happy when I came back from the outhouse… You thought there was a killer around.”

“You must have heard the scream too, surely.”

“I did, but it wasn’t a person. It’s like I was saying last night. It’s a fox.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I saw it run into the woods while I was walking to the outhouse.”

“So you’re telling me this entire time you’ve known it was a fox and you didn’t tell us??”

“I’m sorry! I completely forgot about it. I was just so upset… And then when you came to the outhouse, I was defensive because I thought you’d heard everything… I was scared. But when you said you understood, I assumed you were talking about me being…” she trailed off. “Sorry, it’s hard for me to talk about this.”

“It’s okay.”

“Thanks for being so understanding Ancap. Also, there’s one more thing… I wasn’t sure if I could tell you this before, but since you didn’t react badly to me being gay…”

“What is it?”

“I’m nonbinary. My preferred pronouns are qui/quem.”

“Of course. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

“Y-you’re not gonna tell me there’s only 2 genders?”

“I’m not an auth, I respect your right to self expression.”

“Oh, thanks Ancap. You’re the best,” qui said, wrapping quir arms around her once more.

She laughed. “You know, Nazi and Commie are going to be so relieved when they find out that there’s no killer.”

“Please… You can’t tell them.”

“Why not??”

“They’ll get suspicious… They’ll want to know what happened this morning…”

“In that case… I think I’ve got an idea.”

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Race Realist and Tankie heard a distant scream and immediately were sent into a panic.

“That sounded like Ancap!” the fascist exclaimed.

“That kulak… Of course this would happen.”

“There’s only one thing we can do,” said White Identitarian, taking her swiss army knife out of her pocket. 

“There is still hope for Anarkiddy. We must find quem.”

“What did you just say, Commie?”

“We must find her.”

“You might want this,” Nazi said, handing her Ancap’s slingshot. She’d left it in the cabin. Tankie turned it over a couple of times, inspecting it. She couldn’t keep from wondering if maybe the kulak could have survived… if only she hadn’t left it.

The road to the stables had never seemed so long before. When Tankie looked ahead, it seemed like the familiar, well trodden path stretched out for a thousand miles. It seemed hopeless. They would never make it in time to save Anarkiddy, and Ancap could be dying a slow, painful death in the woods somewhere. Just the thought sent a chill down the communist’s spine. 

“I should have gone with them.”

“Commie, don’t be ridiculous. They were stupid. We were just trying to stay safe.”

“Look where that got us, Nazi. We are still putting ourselves at risk. But maybe if we’d been there with them, we could have protected them. We could’ve-”

“Stop blaming yourself for this. It’s that stupid degenerate’s fault for ignoring our warnings.”

“How can you say that?” spat Tankie through her tears. “We are weak. We are cowards.”

The rest of the walk to the horse riding area was spent in solemn silence, neither authoritarian knowing what more to say. The fact remained that there was still potentially a murderer out there, and they might well be walking into their own deaths. They were no strangers to these woods, but there was a new tension in the air; the scent of betrayal lingered. The forest had kept them safe for years, and now it had turned on them in the worst possible way. 

“Let’s split up,” suggested Identitarian.

“Whatever you say, fascist scum.”

The two girls went their separate ways, Nazi searching the surrounding area and Commie looking in the stables and arena. After not too long, another scream rang out through the camp, but this time, it was Tankie’s.


	4. The Spectre of Communism

“So, like, how did you know?”

“Well, same way you know when you like a guy, I guess. I just... knew. She’s just so beautiful, and every time she talks to me I get butterflies.”

The conversation was cut short by the all to familiar sound of a scream. But not just anyone’s scream.

“Did you hear that??” asked Ancom, quir eyes wide with fear.

“I don’t think that was a fox. It sounds too much like…”

“Commie!” they both shouted in unison. They wasted no time; they could tell the murderer was nearby based on the volume of the scream. Ancap reached into her back pocket, only to find she didn’t have her trusty slingshot.

“Shit. Ancom, we’re gonna have to make a run for the campsite.”

Qui gave the capitalist a nod, and the two of them took off at maximum speed. Luckily for them, the trail they had chosen led to an area that was close to their cabin. They’d been down it before, but it seemed so foreign and daunting now that it was their only escape from certain death. 

“Hey Ancap,” Ancom panted. “Are you sure we’re going the right way?”

“I don’t know.”

There were too many paths branching off in different directions. It would be far too easy to get lost. “Ancap, wait up. I think we’re going to get lost if we keep going. Maybe we should just wait it out and retrace our steps-” 

Ancap stopped for a few seconds, looking over her shoulder at Ancom. Then her eyes widened and she began running again. “Watch out! Behind you!”

Qui turned around and saw a shadow of a person. It was getting closer. Qui didn’t need to be told twice; with renewed energy, qui followed along after quir friend knowing quir life depended on it. All qui could hope for now was to outrun the shadowy figure. Qui was now hyper aware - it was as if time had slowed down, and qui could focus on every individual breath. Just one foot in front of the other. Qui tried to remember the old trick qui learned in gym class. Just keep counting to ten. You can handle anything for ten seconds, so just keep on counting to ten. One, two, three, four… 

Though qui couldn’t see it, qui sensed the shadow loom ever closer. Any second now, he would catch up. One, two, three… Quir breath was shallow, labored, quir lungs straining for every molecule of oxygen. Quir heart was trying to outpace quir feet, racing at 10,000 bpm. Qui didn’t know how much longer qui would last before quir legs gave out and qui would be left defenseless on the ground. What would quir final words be? Qui didn’t have time to come up with any before qui tripped over a root that was sticking out of the ground and fell face first into a cushion of dirt and leaves.

Ancom braced quirself. There was nothing qui could do now. The shadow got closer and closer, and qui closed quir eyes, ready to die.

However, qui didn’t die. Instead, qui heard Nazi’s familiar voice.

“Get up, degenerate. It’s just me.”

Qui opened quir eyes, and sure enough, quir friend was standing above quir, offering to help quir up. Ancom took Nazi’s hand and got up, dusting the dirt off of quir clothing. 

“Ancap! It’s okay! It’s just Nazi!” qui called.

Ancap stopped running and turned around.

“What are you doing here?” asked Ancom.

“I could ask you the same question,” Race Realist responded. “Me and Commie heard a scream that sounded a lot like Ancap, and we wanted to look for you two.”

Remembering Tankie, Ancom bowed quir head. 

“Is Tankie...”

Nazi sighed. “I don’t know.” Secretly, she was terrified that the communist had been killed, but she didn’t want to display any signs of weakness.

“We heard her scream and we assumed the killer was here…”

Nazi was desperate to change the subject. “I still want to know why Ancap was screaming. Was she afraid of a bug or something?” she joked.

“Of course n-”

“Well basically we were talking about what happened this morning and she stepped on a snake. Luckily it wasn’t a venomous one but she was scared at first,” Ancom quickly butted in. It was much easier to just lie than try to explain that Ancap had been trying to imitate a fox so they could pretend to have seen it while they were walking and wrap up the case once and for all. Qui shot the capitalist a look, and she understood.

“Yes, it’s embarrassing, but it’s true. Let’s not linger on it.”

White Nationalist narrowed her eyes. “Ancom, I thought you didn’t want to talk about that incident.”

“Well, I didn’t at first. B-but I think I know who the killer is. It’s… it’s Justin.”

“You mean Commie’s boyfriend Justin?!”

“...yeah.”

Ancap looked at quir, confused. Qui struggled to keep eye contact. Qui had realized already it was going to be hard to dig quirself out of this hole now that qui had started.

“Well, now I can see why you didn’t want to talk about this in front of her earlier.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to discuss this here. Nazi, do you know how to get back to the campsite?” 

The identitarian laughed. “Are you idiots seriously lost?”

“Shut up! But… yes,” the capitalist admitted.

“Well then, I’ll show you the way…” the authoritarian started. “If you can catch up!” She started running down the path at top speed, laughing.

The anarchists were completely unprepared. They tried to run after her, but they were too slow; she had already turned the corner and gone down some unknown path.

“Well that’s just great,” Ancom complained. “What’s her problem??”

Ancap glared at quem. “I can’t believe you told Nazi that Commie’s boyfriend is a killer! I mean, what will Commie do when she finds out??”

“When I find out about what?” echoed an all too familiar voice.


	5. Nazi Becomes The Weakest Link

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since last chapter was a lil shortie boi, I decided to post this today as well

Identitarian chuckled at how easy it had been to outrun the anarchists. They truly were as weak as a society without fascism. She made her way back to the cabin effortlessly. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t put the pieces together sooner - it had been so obvious that Justin was behind all of this. She knew he was suspicious from the very beginning. Of course, the others hadn’t noticed it because they were mere sheeple, brainwashed by the Jewish media which was in this case Commie. She was going to find that pinko bastard and slit his throat with her pocket knife. Just as soon as she could find it.

Where in the hell was her knife?? It wasn’t in her pockets, and it wasn’t anywhere in the cabin. She rummaged through her bag, and everyone else’s, but it was nowhere to be found. Shit. She didn’t have time for this. She had only one choice.

She was rooting through the supplies in the kitchen when Ms. Hogan finally awoke from her thousand year slumber. She stepped out of the cabin, night gown still on, and let out a big yawn. When she saw Race Realist, she narrowed her eyes. “What are you doing out of your cabin without a buddy?!”

Identitarian looked up, trying to mask her fury with a thin veneer of cordiality. “Sorry Ms. Hogan, I didn’t think a buddy was necessary to go to the kitchen during the daytime.”

“You watch your tongue, young lady. You know well and good that the buddy system was made for your own safety, so I advise that you do what’s best for you and bring a buddy next time.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Ms. Hogan.”

“It looks like you girls really overslept today. I don’t see anyone out here cooking breakfast!”

She decided to ignore her troop leader’s hypocrisy for today, finally finding what she was looking for: a box of assorted plastic utensils. They weren’t ideal, but they were better than nothing. She slipped a fork into the pocket of her jeans and headed back to the cabin. “I’ll go wake them up.”

“And could you tell my daughter to text me a picture of you all in your jammies tonight so I can make sure you’re going to bed at a reasonable time?”

Nazi could see why Ancom was so anti-authoritarian with a mom like this. “I’ll make sure to let her know.” She wasn’t in the mood to argue about the fact that there was no cell service out in the woods. As soon as the cabin door had closed behind her, she took out the plastic fork she had grabbed from the kitchen supply. It wasn’t very sharp. She was going to have to file down the handle into a shiv. She tried sharpening it against the cabin’s smooth concrete floor, but it was of little use. Then, she had an idea. She grabbed Ancap’s bag and began digging through it until she found what she was looking for. A nail file. Bingo. Of course Ancap had wanted to maintain her well-groomed appearance while camping.

Her cheeks burned with rage as she sharpened the plastic fork handle vigorously. She didn’t know how much time she had until the killer would come for her, now that the secret was out, she would probably be one of the first targets. Those anarchists had no moral integrity; they would no doubt snitch on her first. She was going to avenge her friend, whatever it took. With the shiv clenched in her hand, she carefully opened up the window and climbed out, as she’d done so many times before with Tankie late at night. She hoped Ms. Hogan had gone back to sleep and wouldn’t notice her absence. With utmost caution, she made her way to the entrance of the nature trail. 

It was almost too much for her. This was the same trail she and Commie had walked countless times. In those moments, the only thing that mattered was that they were together, and they were alive. Oh, how she had taken their friendship for granted. How she had squandered their last night together out of selfishness. How she would give anything to have Commie by her side right now as she made what could well be her last journey down this path that once had felt like home. But she couldn’t, because the communist was gone. Now, now it was only her. Now this path served only as a painful reminder of those days, paved with the blood of the leftist Identitarian had once called her best friend. She wandered for who knows how long, drifting through the cruel woods like a ghost who had died decades ago still holding on to a time long passed. When she found Justin, she was going to make him sorry he’d ever been born. 

She had been walking for a good while before she realized that she had no idea where she was. She had been so stuck inside her head with thoughts of Commie and revenge that she had drifted from the path, which was barely more than well-trodden dirt, and arrived at another campsite entirely. It didn’t look like one she’d ever seen before at Littlebrook, which came as a surprise because they’d been coming here for so many years. It didn’t look like anybody was camping there at the moment. As she walked closer, she realized that it had probably been years since anyone had stayed here. She checked the sign that stood a considerable way in front of the clearing, almost as if it too was trying to distance itself from this campsite, and it read “Maple Way.” She’d definitely never heard of this place. 

Leaves and pollen littered the floor of the communal kitchen; a stark contrast to the clean-swept kitchens that were expected of every troop on inspection. One of the tables’ benches had collapsed entirely, and another looked not to farr off it. The various brooms on the rack were covered in cobwebs, and several birds had built nests in the rafters of the roof. She opened the cabinet out of curiosity and a mouse scurried away. Of course, there was nothing inside. She wondered just how long this place had been abandoned.

The cabins weren’t looking much better. As Identitarian walked up the steps to one of them, she felt the old wood creak under her weight. Was it even safe to go in? She heard something scuttling underneath the porch, probably a raccoon or a possum which had decided to make its home here. The interior of the cabin was dark, but surprisingly, when she flipped the light switch it worked. The beds were still there, but rats had chewed up the mattresses. Carved into one of the bed posts were the initials of two long-gone girl scouts: C & J. Perhaps many years ago some best friends named Charlotte and Jessica had stayed here. Or maybe it was Christine and Jennifer. Or maybe… maybe it was a Commie who was dating a guy called Justin.

For a moment, her curiosity had overtaken her sorrow in this new place. But seeing these crudely carved initials brought all the feelings flooding back to her. She sat down on the old bed, roaches scuttling out from under the mattress, and couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. It had all happened so quickly. It hadn’t even been a day at this godforsaken camp, and her best friend was gone. All she wanted was to be able to talk to the other statist again. To really talk to her. To get below the surface level debates over communism vs capitalism and bond over their shared love of authoritarianism. If only she could have stumbled across this place with her. They could have explored it together. It would have seemed so much less creepy with Commie there holding her hand and laughing and joking with her. It could be their little secret. It could have been their village. It could have been their initials in that bedpost. It SHOULD have been their initials in that bedpost. Justin didn’t deserve it. Identitarian took her plastic fork shank and changed the J to a weird thick I before breaking down into tears again. 


	6. The Regular Spectre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The extremists uncover some dark secrets.

Tankie approached slowly, White Nationalist’s swiss army knife drawn.

“Oh, uh, hey Tankie,” Ancom said, turning redder than a tomato. “We uh… We were just wondering where you were.”

“Were you talking about my boyfriend? I thought I heard his name…”

“We were just…. Uh… wondering when we’d have the chance to meet him!” blurted Ancap.

“I am sure you will meet him soon.” Tankie said. Ancom could have sworn there was a flash of mischief in her eye as she said it.

“Uh, where did you get the knife? You’re not going to violate the NAP, are you?”

“No, I found it on the ground. Nazi must have dropped it. Anyways, I’m glad you two are safe. I saw Nazi come here, so I follow her.”

“Why did you scream?”

It was Tankie’s turn to flush with embarrassment. “I thought… I thought the killer had gotten to you.”

“It’s okay, Tankie, we’re fine. You don’t happen to know the way out of here… do you?”

“Do not worry. Nazi and I have been down this path many times before. Where is she?”

“Uh, well, she was here a few minutes ago, but she left us here. I think she went back to the cabin”

“I see.” Tankie took the lead, easily navigating through the woods. Ancap and Ancom walked a little bit behind. Ancom really started to regret the situation qui had gotten quirself into. Qui should have just kept her mouth shut and not confessed to Ancap about quir crush. This whole situation would have been prevented. Qui could have just waited until the fox called again and told everyone then. Now qui had just sown the seeds of distrust among quir friends, and qui wasn’t sure how to get out of it without letting quir secret slip.

After a little while walking, they finally arrived back at the campsite. They went over to the cabin and Tankie triumphantly opened the door. “We have returned, Nazi-” she stopped dead in her tracks.

“W-what’s wrong?” Ancom asked sheepishly.

Tankie turned around, suddenly serious. “She isn’t here.”

“WHAT?!”

Suddenly, they all heard the dreaded sound of a certain woman approaching them from behind.

“Where have you three been all morning?”

They all whipped around to see the large figure of Ms. Hogan towering over them.

“We… we uh, just went horseback riding!” Ancap responded.

“You know you can’t just go places without me!”

“We know Ms. Hogan, but you were asleep, w-we didn’t want to wake you up,” trembled Ancom.

Ms. Hogan eyed them suspiciously for a couple seconds. “That’s fair, I suppose. But where is that White Identitarian?”

“Um… she went to the bathroom…" Tankie chipped in.

"Don't you girls have any respect for the buddy system? For all you know, there could be a crazy killer out there attacking her right now, and she's going to die alone because she didn't have a buddy!" The three of them exchanged glances.

“I can go find her if you want, Ms. Hogan,” offered Tankie.

“Yes, please do.” Ms. Hogan turned to the anarchists. “Now, why don’t you two get started on lunch while we wait for them to come back?”

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It was only after an indeterminate amount of time sobbing uncontrollably that the reality sunk in: Nazi was very lost. She felt disgusted with herself for displaying such weakness. She knew she couldn't be too far into the woods; it was a Girl Scout camp after all. Then again, she'd never heard of a campsite being abandoned like this. Something about it just didn't seem right. What could have happened here that made it become abandoned and forgotten? Why wasn't Maple Way on the map? Why didn't it connect to any of the trails? Maybe if she looked around a little more, she could find some clues.

She entered the cabin next door. It was also dark, but this time the light didn’t work. The bulb must have burned out years ago. She stumbled her way over to the window and rolled up the blinds, allowing the sunlight to shine in. All of the beds in this cabin had been pushed together to form one big bed. Classic. She noticed something poking out from under the rightmost bed. She bent over to pick it up. It looked like a piece of paper of some sort. As she felt around under the bed, she also felt some kind of a board. Maybe someone had brought a board game and left it here years ago? Before she could see what it was, she was interrupted.

“Hello?” a mysterious voice asked. It was hollow and ethereal, as if it belonged to an otherworldly entity.

The fascist immediately stood up, clenching the fork-shiv tight in her hand. “Who’s there?” She couldn’t see anyone, but she sensed a presence. It made her uneasy, and she began to back away, still holding on to the piece of paper. It didn’t respond at first. “I said, who’s there!?”

“My apologies. It’s been such a long time, I seem to have forgotten who I am.”

“Show yourself!”

“I doubt you would find that outcome desirable.”

“I’m not afraid of you!”

“Your body language says otherwise, my child.”

“It was you. You’re the one that killed her! Well, I’m not going down without a fight. I will avenge her!”

“My child, I’m afraid there has been a misunderstanding. I am but a spirit.”

“I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m not going to fall for your tricks!”

“Alas, it is no trick. If I wished to bring you harm, I would have done so already. You know not the extent of my power, young one.”

She relaxed her grip on the makeshift weapon. “Then... w-what do you want?”

“I am simply curious as to what brings you to this forsaken land. It has been fourteen years since I have seen a human. Forgive me if my grasp of language has faltered with time.”

“I… I didn’t come here, not intentionally. I didn’t even know this place existed. I was just looking for someone, and, well, I... got lost.”

The spirit paused for a couple of seconds. “How curious. Yes, how very curious indeed. By all accounts, that shouldn’t be possible.”

“What? What do you mean??”

“It is my understanding that a powerful curse has been cast upon this land, Maple Way as it used to be known. It resides in a realm separate from yours. It has been erased from the mortal plane, along with all memory of its existence…”

“Does… Does this mean I’m dead?”

“No, my child, you still have the aura of life about you. It is very strong. Unmistakable.”

“Then… How could I have gotten here?”

“That is precisely what I am trying to understand.”

Nazi glanced at the piece of paper she had found on the floor. It appeared to be an old map. The edges were torn and the paper had yellowed with age, but she could just make out its features. It looked like at the time it was made, Maple Way had been part of the camp. Maybe she could use this to find her way back. She tucked it into her pocket.

“I-is there a way to get out of here?”

“I know not, young one. I used to be of the mind that it was impossible, but that has now been called into question. You are strong of spirit, my child. Perhaps you have been endowed with the ability to travel between worlds."

"How?"

"That is what you must figure out. I advise you to be cautious. There are many demons that reside between worlds. Even here, I am not the sole inhabitant of this land. There are others who lurk here, just beyond the shadows. But they fear you. They see the power of your life force."

"What??"

"You must not let yourself be afraid, my child. They can sense fear."

"I need to get out of here asap."

"What troubles you, young one? Worry not; an hour in this world is only the equivalent of two minutes in yours."

"My friends… there's a killer on the loose. And he already got one of them. D-do you know anything about that??"

"A killer, you say?" The spirit paused to consider this new information. "This is most fascinating."

"That's all??"

"My child, this world was separated from yours in order to contain an ancient evil. One which preys upon unsuspecting souls. Perhaps… perhaps the barrier has weakened. Perhaps a gateway has opened up between our worlds and it has escaped. Who has it claimed so far?"

"M-my best friend… her name… her name was Commie!"

Suddenly, the world around White Nationalist began to distort as if she were viewing it through a funhouse mirror, minus the fun. A faint ringing sounded in her ears. She rubbed her temples, trying to ease the headache that was coming on. "No… something's wrong… what's happening?"

"You must have strength, my child."

The ringing was getting louder. It sounded like some kind of twisted demonic screeching accompanied by some amelodic, dissonant notes. It became louder and louder until it was deafening. "No! No!" she cried, but no one was there to help. It felt like something was pushing her out of her own mind, noise that wasn’t her own. Her own personal Great Replacement was unfolding. Her vision began to fade away until finally she blacked out, collapsing onto the floor of the cabin with her last panicked breath.


	7. Escape from Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The authoritarians are reunited once more.

When Identitarian woke up, she was still in the abandoned cabin, laying on one of the old beds. It wasn't very comfortable. 

"Nazi, are you alright?" asked an instantly recognizable voice. She turned her head to the left only to see… Tankie? 

She was sitting on the bed next to Race Realist’s, idly playing with her hair like she does whenever she's bored. The fascist rubbed her eyes, struggling to believe what she was seeing.

"Come on, if we don't go back soon, the others are going to get worried."

Nazi sprung out of her bed and wrapped her arms tightly around Tankie, partially because she was happy she was alive, partially to make sure she was real. 

"I love you Commie, you know that?"

"I have a boyfriend," she teased, hugging back. 

Identitarian blushed slightly, the thought of being percieved as a queer making her feel sick. "You know I didn't mean it that way."

“I was just kidding. I love you too."

Just hearing these words of affirmation from her dearest friend made the right-wing authoritarian feel so incredibly warm on the inside. Whatever encounter she'd had with that strange spirit must surely have been a dream, or maybe it was more of a nightmare. She felt any feeling of uneasiness melt away now that she was with Commie. She still didn't fully understand what was happening, but she was too happy to question it now. All that mattered was that Tankie survived. She wasn’t alone anymore. She could have spent hours in that musty old cabin as long as Tankie had stayed there next to her. 

“I’m not thinking straight right now.”

“Why? What is wrong?”

“Nothing, I think I just had some kind of a vision. Or a nightmare. I dunno.”

“You were out cold for a minute. What happened?”

“You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“I already think that.”

“It’s just… I don’t remember how we got here. I don’t even remember you coming with me. I have no idea what happened. Somehow I thought you had been murdered so I went into the woods to get revenge with a sharpened fork shiv.” She paused to laugh. “I mean, it just sounds so ridiculous, doesn’t it? But then I got lost and ended up in this cabin. And there was some kind of a spirit who was telling me something about an ancient evil being sealed inside that campsite... “

“Да, you're right,” Tankie giggled. “You sound like you just escaped the insane asylum”

“Well, I’m just glad it wasn’t real. When I thought you were dead… Tankie, you have no idea.”

Tankie was a little taken aback by Nazi’s display of weakness. She never let anyone see her like this. “This place is creeping me out. Can we continue outside?”

“Yeah, o-of course.”

The two extremists stepped outside, the fresh air filling their lungs. Though she wasn’t about to admit it, White Identitarian was still a little bit suspicious of this Maple Way. The faint possibility that there really were evil spirits haunting this place lingered in her mind, even though she knew it made no logical sense. 

“Do you know how to get back to the campsite from here, Nazi?”

She shook her head. “I was kind of hoping you would.”

“What do you remember from that dream?”

“I doubt following the dream would really be helpful, but I got here by accidentally wandering off that trail we always go on.”

“да, I remember now. I think the trail is that way,” she responded, pointing in some indeterminate direction. The two set off, Identitarian following Tankie’s lead, through the indistinct patch of forest. It was full of vines and spider webs; it was almost as if the forest itself was trying to prevent people from finding Maple Way. Nazi reached into her pocket for her trusty swiss army knife, only to find that it wasn’t there. There was, however, a folded piece of paper. Could it be? Was it the map she had found under the bed?

“This isn’t supposed to be here,” she muttered under her breath.

“Huh? Did you say something?” Tankie asked.

“No, nothing.” 

She smiled. “Your insanity is rubbing off on me now!”

“Bad news, I can’t find my pocket knife.”

Tankie laughed. “It’s not like that thing was going be much of a help anyways. This area is too overgrown.”

“Are you sure this is the way we came?”

“Perhaps we should go look for that knife after all, да? It's better than nothing.”

“I’m not sure if I had it on me when we came here to be honest…”

“Well, it won't hurt to look. Why don’t you search the kitchen and I'll take the cabin.”

“Whatever you say, Commie.” 

The two authoritarians went back to the abandoned campsite to search for the pocket knife. White Nationalist briefly searched the kitchen, but as expected, it wasn’t there. She had barely been in there, anyway. She decided to meet back up with Commie in the cabin.

“Find anything?”

“нет, sorry.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t in the kitchen either.”

“Maybe it's time to give up. Wait in here for a second, I have to go to the bathroom.”

Identitarian nodded and sat down on the bed. A thought then occurred to her. If she still had the map, maybe she could find the fork weapon too. She still wasn’t sure how much of the “dream” had been real, but there were some things that just didn’t quite add up. She looked under the bed she had apparently passed out on. Nothing. She checked under the mattress; still nothing. It just didn’t make any sense. How did she still have the map but not the fork? Then she remembered the mysterious thing she had felt under the other bed after she had picked up the map. She felt around for it again and pulled it out from under the bed. It looked like an old, decaying ouija board. Some edgy 12 year olds had probably camped here before it was abandoned. 

Just then, Tankie came back in, and she slid it back under the bed. “You didn’t trust me that it wasn’t here?” she asked, faking disappointment. 

“Well, you can never be too careful.”

“Come on, let's go back. We have been gone long enough already.”

Identitarian followed Commie’s lead, happy to finally be leaving this strange and unsettling campsite. She didn’t want to take her eyes off her friend as they travelled into the unknown woods; she feared that if she did, a murderer would jump out of the bushes and grab her or something similarly irrational. She knew that ouija boards were a hoax, but there was still something bugging her slightly. Either way, she kept as close as possible, but it still didn’t feel close enough. Although, she had noticed something out of the corner of her eye that was a little bit odd. It almost looked like a plastic fork handle was poking out of Commie’s back pocket.


	8. The Means of Subsistence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tankie and Nazi's triumphant return

“Hey Ancap, does it seem like Tankie’s been gone for an unusually long time to you?” Ancom asked, adjusting the heat on the portable grill. How ironic that they were the ones grilling for a centrist.

“That’s just what I was thinking,” replied Ancap, opening up the bag of bread. They were fixing grilled cheese for lunch, but it was unclear how many sandwiches they needed to make now that Tankie had disappeared to look for Nazi. Ancap leaned in closer to Ancom. “I’ll level with you. Commie’s been acting too suspicious. Maybe… Maybe she really is up to something.”

“No way, she would never hurt us.”

“I’m just saying Ancom, if you take off those rose-colored glasses, you might start seeing the red flags.”

Just then, the left-wing authoritarian arrived back at the campsite. And sure enough, behind her was the fascist.

“Nazi!!” the anarchists cried. 

“Hey! Can you keep it down?” interrupted Ms. Hogan, who was busy trying to solve a crossword puzzle at the next table over. From the looks of things, the only word she had come up with so far was misspelled. 

"Where were you?? When we came back to the cabin y-"

Tankie quickly interrupted Ancap. "We were just on a little... nature walk. We found something very interesting along the way, an abandoned campsite called Maple Way."

Ancap gave Ancom a look of distrust. 

"I thought you said it was creepy," Identitarian commented.

"Well it is, but it’s also cool."

"Where did you find this place?" asked Ancom.

"You have to go off the path. It's easy to get lost. I don't know if going there again would be a great idea…" Race Realist said.

"Nonsense! We found our way back this time, I’m sure we could do it again. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go pee." With that, Tankie left to go to the outhouse, and the extremists went back to preparing lunch.

"Hey Nazi, we're making grilled cheese. Wanna help?" asked Ancom.

"Do I have to?"

“Yes. Ever heard of mutual aid, dumbass?”

"Whoa whoa whoa, we’re not giving these away for free, are we?"

“Ancap, why is it always about money with you?”

“I’m sorry, but it’s a dog eat dog world out there. Anyways, did that commie do anything suspicious when you were out in the woods?”

“She’s not behind this. She would never betray us."

“How can you be so sure about that? It’s survival of the fittest. I thought you would know this as a social darwinist.”

“Yes, but she’s a leftist. She may be delusional, but she doesn’t see the world the way we do.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with trying to tear down unjust hierarchies?” Ancom snapped.

“Now’s really not the time,” Ancap said. "What if Justin told her to do it?"

Nazi paused. She had almost forgotten about Justin. She wanted to snap that degenerate’s neck. 

"But… How could she just throw away her people, her community, for a boy? No, she's not like that. I know she is loyal."

Ancap shook her head. "Nazi, I don't understand it either. But the clues all point to her being involved in this somehow."

"There is no one in this world I trust more than Commie. You guys are asking me to turn against my best friend. Not only that but my values. I just… I can't do it. I can't. She is the one who found me and brought me back here. I'm sorry, but I just can't betray her."

Ancap and Ancom both stared at her, Ancom even raising an eyebrow. "Don't you think that's a little bit melodramatic?" qui inquired.

"Who are you to judge me? I would have at least thought you bleeding heart libtard would-"

They were interrupted by Tankie, who had returned from the outhouse. "Oh, Nazi, you're here!"

"Uh, yeah, of course. Where would I have gone?"

"I don’t know, I just thought… well, I am glad you're here, comrade."

"Thanks, I guess."

Ancap shifted nervously. 

"Oh, I have your swiss army knife. I think you dropped it. Here." She pulled Identitarian's knife out of her pocket and handed it to her.

Nazi, of course, was dumbstruck. "I… You had it this whole time?"

"да, sorry about that. Anyway, what's for lunch? I'm starving!"

"Of course, that’s to be expected from a communist. We’re having grilled cheese. We're almost done, you may as well get a plate,” said Ancap.

Tankie opened up the bag of paper plates and reached for a sandwich.

“Not so fast, Commie. That’ll be $5.”

“Kulak! The very idea that I should pay for the means of subsistence perpetuates capital’s exploitation of the proletariat’s labor-power!”

“I don’t speak libtard, but it sounds like you’re just broke.”

“How many times must I tell you I am not a liberal you capitalist pig! This is why they invented the gulag!”

While they argued over Marxist theory, Ancom took the opportunity to steal two of the sandwiches, one for quem and one for Commie. 

“What are you doing?!” Ancap cried.

“It’s called direct action,” qui grinned, taking a bite of the product of quir labor.


	9. Fishy Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The extremists decide to have a fishing competition, but the free market breeds an innovation no one wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Homophobia

Lunch was surprisingly uninterrupted by any additional screams or otherwise suspicious activities, so the troop was all set to go fishing as planned.

"We should have a competition to see who can catch the most fish," Ancap proposed. 

"You rightists and your competitions. Don't you think we should work together and distribute the fish equally?" asked Tankie.

"Really Commie? That sounds no fun at all," responded Ancap.

"Yeah, even I have to agree with the capitalist," added Ancom. "I don't think Nazi's gonna pull her weight."

"Shut up degenerate!"

"Okay, let's each split up and try to find the best fishing spot around the lake."

The unmistakable stench of a bad idea lingered in the air, but alas the only one to pick up on it was Tankie, who grudgingly accepted it and went off to find a good fishing spot. Ancap, on the other hand, wanted to get as far away from Commie as possible. For once, she didn't care if it cost her the competition or not, she spent twenty minutes looking for the most obscure, hidden spot she could. Why wouldn't the others listen to her? It was becoming more and more obvious that Commie was hiding something, and she seemed to be the only one taking this seriously. Nazi just flat out refused to believe her, and Ancom was acting strangely subservient to her murderous will. 

When she finally found a good spot, she set down her bait bucket and skewered a fresh worm on her hook. She winced a little, knowing that Ancom would probably have a pretty hard time doing this on quir own. She and Tankie would always put quir worms on quir hook for quem; qui was too squeamish to do it quirself. 

Just then, she heard the last voice in the world that she had wanted to hear right now.

"Kulak, sorry to interrupt you but I think my hook is stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Can you give it to me please?"

Ancap whipped around, a look of unfiltered rage in her eyes. Tankie stepped back a little, clearly intimidated.

"Actually Tankie," she said, "no I can't. Unless, of course, you pay me, but as we've already established you have no money."

"What is wrong with you kulak? Gah, capitalism truly is the greatest evil of our time…"

"Don't play dumb Commie. You know what this is about."

"No, I don't think I-"

"Shut up! We're on to you. We know you and Justin are behind all this."

"What?!

"Did you really think you could get away with it? You could at least do a better job of hiding the evidence, you know." Ancap grabbed Tankie's shirt. "You've just been way too suspicious lately."

"I don't know what you are talking about. Please let me go!"

"No. Not until you tell me the truth. I don't want to violate the NAP on you, Commie, but if that's what it takes..."

Suddenly their pleasant conversation was interrupted by a shriek from the other side of the lake.

“Just leave! I never want to see you again!”

The two opposing ideologies eyed each other. Ancap had now let go of Commie.

"What was that?"

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White Identitarian settled down into a good fishing spot and cast her line out into the water. This spot was especially good because a well-placed rotting log allowed her to sit down while she fished. She knew she had this competition in the bag; Ancom couldn't bait a hook, and the others were plain idiots. She trained her focus on the bobber, waiting for any sign that a fish had bitten.

"Hey Nazi, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Now's not the time, I need to focus if I'm going to win this thing," she replied, not even looking up.

The other girl sighed. "Look, I just thought now would be good time to discuss this with you since no one else is around. How much concentration does fishing take?"

"I think I know a thing or two about concentration. Maybe you should actually try fishing someday and see for yourself."

She sat down on the old log next to White Nationalist. "I… I don't think there is any easy way to put this."

"Cut to the chase, Commie. I don't have all day."

"We can’t be friends anymore."

"Haha, good one. What did you really want to tell me?"

She looked down, kicking at the gravel at her feet. "No, it is no joke."

"I don't believe you. If this is what you came here to say, stop wasting my time. I'm not stupid, our race has the highest IQ statistically…”

"Justin… he says you give him bad vibes."

So that's what this is about. "Well he gives me bad vibes, but I'm not out here trying to split you two up. He needs to get over it and stop being so pathetic and weak."

"It's not just that, he says… well, he thinks you are an 'overprotective lez'."

For the first time, Identitarian made eye contact with Commie. "He said _what_?"

She looked down again. "He thinks you are going to put a strain on our relationship…"

"He hasn't even met me and he already wants to start spreading these lies about me?! He is just like the Jewish media..."

Tankie wasn't sure how to respond.

Nazi stood up, the fishing pole now propped up against the log. "Look me in the eyes. Do I look like a _dyke_ to you, Commie?"

"No, but-"

"Have I ever betrayed my people, Commie. Even once."

"Nazi, stop."

"He doesn't know anything! How long have we been friends for? Huh? And you've been dating, what, two weeks?"

"I'm sorry."

"I trusted you, Commie." Her face softened for a brief moment a little as tears welled up in her eyes, which she quickly wiped away. “I thought… I thought you were better than this. I didn't know you were a class traitor.”

“You know nothing about class, fascist scum. Stop trying to co-opt leftist rhetoric. This is why I cannot be allies with a rightist."

“Just leave then! I never want to see you again!”

There was no hint of guilt in Tankie’s eyes. Not even a quiver in her voice. Not a moment of hesitation in her step as she left Identitarian to sit there, alone, the world suddenly feeling heavy upon her heart. She picked up her rod again, mindlessly casting the line into the green depths of the lake. Trying and failing to focus on fishing. Secretly wishing she could just dive into the water and become a fish and never have to think about Commie or Justin or her feelings ever again.

This whole situation had almost certainly cost her the competition. Yes, it would be fruitless to even continue at this point. To even stay in a 100 mile radius of the communist. Why had she brought it up now? Why had she chosen to make it awkward for the next day and a half? Why couldn’t she have at least saved this for a text message. Maybe then it wouldn’t have been so crushing. Maybe then Nazi could maintain the illusion that Tankie still cared about her, about their friendship, and was only doing this out of absolute necessity. 

Was it true? Was she really an overprotective lez? Just because she wanted to preserve their friendship? Just because she was suspicious of this Justin character? Just because she was secretly afraid of this happening all along? Just because she had kind of sort of hoped she would always be Tankie's favorite person and not have to compete with some guy? Just because she had maybe, deep down, wanted to them to spend the rest of their lives together?

Well shit.

The only thing that was certain was that White Nationalist couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t stand to stay in this world which had only moments ago felt so much like home, but now she felt like an actor in a reality TV show where she had just caught sight of all the lighting and cameras and realized the reality she had thought she was living was a lie. It felt like Tankie had come into her house with a sledgehammer and shattered all the windows and smashed the TV and kicked down all the doors and torn up her sofa and held her at gunpoint before giggling and deciding she was too worthless to even waste a bullet on. 

She wanted to leave. No, she _needed_ to leave. Right now, it was the only thing she needed. Tankie had stabbed her in the shoulder, and it wasn’t fatal, but god damn did it hurt. And every second was just a twist of the knife, another splatter of blood soiling the beautiful artwork that she and her “best friend” had painted together. The blood soaked through the canvas, drowning out all of the vibrant colors and careful brush strokes they had spent years on. She watched as it became the very thing she had been trying so hard to fight - Degenerate Art. Every mention of the other authoritarian's name was a swift kick to the stomach. She could only taste the iron in her mouth. Every breath of air in this stupid camp was a breath of poison; how the tables had turned. There was a small town, maybe 30 minutes away from the camp. She could get cell service there. She could get someone to pick her up and take her home where she could finally get some shelter from the dark rot which was spreading through the camp, she could see it now, slowly climbing up the trees opposite the lake. It diffused through the lake. Identitarian could only hear the pounding of her heart as she ran for the cabin to pick up her stuff, stumbling over her own feet. It all felt so surreal, like something out of a nightmarish fever dream. There was only one thought she allowed herself to have. _Get out, get out, get out now. One foot in front of the other. Don’t stop for anything. Don’t talk to anyone. Just go, go, go. Keep going and don’t stop._

By the time she had reached the main lodge, which was about a 15 minute walk from Piney Point, it occurred to Identitarian that she’d left something behind at the cabin. In her haste, she’d left her favorite hat still hanging on the coat rack. Damn it, she would have to go back. She didn’t want to see the other extremists. In particular, she didn’t want to see Commie. But she would be damned if she let them keep her hat.


	10. Blackmail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something just isn't quite right here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: homophobia, misgendering

“Nazi! What happened? We heard you shouting at someone from the other side of the lake…”

The girl stayed focused on the fishing rod, not even turning to look at Ancap and Commie.

“That’s none of your business.”

“Nazi, you know you can talk to me,” Tankie pleaded.

“Doesn’t anybody want to win this competition? First the degenerate comes over here and now you two…”

“What happened with anarkiddy?”

“Like I said before, none of your business.”

“It’s okay, you can talk about it with us, we won't tell,” Ancap said, frustrated.

“Maybe we should just-” Tankie was cut off.

“Fine.” White Nationalist turned around, finally looking at them, the fishing rod set aside. She looked, more than anything, tired. “If it’ll get you two to leave me alone, I’ll tell you. But only if you promise not to say a word to Ms. Hogan.”

“Promise,” Tankie responded, looking at Ancap. She nodded in return.

“Well, that degenerate came over here looking to borrow some bait. I told her she should go find her own, I wasn’t planning on throwing the competition. Well, long story short, we got into an argument, and she said some things to me that were… Well…”

Commie and Ancap exchanged glances.

“Eh, it’s not important. The point is I pulled the swiss army knife on her, and she went running off into the woods.”

“Nazi, you are such a dumbass. This is why we have the NAP.”

“Look, I’m not proud of it, but it was in the heat of the moment, and I know I shouldn’t have, but it was just a joke really and… Well the rest is history.”

“Which way did q-, uh, she go??"

"Well, she went through that gap in the bushes over there," Identitarian pointed. "I think she wanted to hide, not that I was even chasing her. Good luck finding her in there."

"You're going to stay here?"

"I doubt she wants to see me right now. And to be honest, I don't really want to see her either."

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

"Hey Ancom, what's up?" Identitarian asked.

Qui jumped a little. "What do you want, fascist?"

"Can I be honest with you Ancom."

"Not if you're gonna lecture me about black crime statistics again."

"No, it's just that you're not going to win this contest. You can't even put bait on a hook."

"Hey!"

"Come on, you know it's true. Ordinarily I would leave the weak to suffer and die, but I need to ask you a favor."

"What?"

"Remember how Commie was talking about that abandoned campsite earlier?"

"I already don't like where this is going."

"I think I might have left my jacket there, and I was wondering if you would come with me to look for it."

"Can't you ask someone else?"

"I already did, they both said they wanted to continue fishing."

"Well maybe I want to continue fishing too."

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit Ancom. You never started fishing. You've been reading yuri manga this whole time."

Qui turned red. "N-no I haven't!"

"Oh come on, I can see it poking out from under your bait bucket. Honestly Ancom, I knew you were degenerate already, but a queer as well? This is just too good." 

Ancom tried to act like qui wasn't terrified right now. "Sorry Nazi, but I don't associate with fascists. I don't see why I should help you."

Identitarian rolled her eyes. "Look, I would hate for the others to find out you're into anime tiddies, but sometimes things slip out…"

"I know you're not going to tell anyone, because if you do, I'll bash your skull in."

Nazi chuckled at this empty threat. "I won't tell anyone you come with me."

Qui sighed and stood up grudgingly. "For the record, I'm only doing this because I believe everyone has the fundamental right to not be cold at night, even you. And you better not mention this anyone."

"My lips are sealed," the social darwinist grinned.


	11. The Showdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang meet up with an unexpected and unwanted guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a long boi today

“I think we should split up. We’re more likely to find Ancom that way,” Ancap said, not wanting to admit that she was afraid of being alone with Commie where it would be difficult for her corpse to ever be found.

“What if one of us gets lost?”

Admittedly, that was a good point. “Well, going together wouldn’t make us any less likely to get lost. Besides, we know Ancom.”

“Да, I suppose qui didn’t go very far.”

“You know Commie, we’re in private. We don’t have to say qui/quem.”

“Respect anarkiddy’s pronouns.”

“Fine, if it will keep our business relations favorable, I guess. Now, if we can’t find her - um, quem, after 10 minutes, we should meet back up at the camp. Deal?”

“Pah, you filthy capitalist, you know I don’t deal with kulaks. Consider this a display of solidarity among the searching class.”

With that, the two of them split up. As Ancap walked through the trees, calling out Ancom’s name fruitlessly, she started to wonder if this was some kind of prank. It was very out of character for quem to run away after getting into a fight with Nazi; if anything, qui was the one who usually provoked the arguments when qui was bored. This whole thing seemed a little too fishy. Was Identitarian in kahoots with the killer, or was this just a harmless practical joke? It was obvious that Ancap wasn’t going to find her friend here, so she decided it would be best to just turn around and leave the forest before she got lost. 

Well, maybe she already was lost. She looked around, realizing that there was now a layer of fog swallowing up the trees around her and obscuring her vision. For once, she wished she had listened to Ms. Hogan and used the buddy system. She hadn’t even been walking for that long, and she already had no idea where she was. She didn’t even know which direction she had come from. _Great._ There was nothing to do now but walk in a random direction and hope she ended up somewhere she could recognize. Surely there would be another campsite not too far from here, or she could maybe make her way to the main trail. 

“Commie!” she cried out, hoping maybe her friend would hear her. She waited a few moments, but alas, there was no response. How could she possibly have gotten so far away in so short a time? She wandered hopelessly through the foggy woods until finally she came to a clearing. She could distantly make out what looked like a building, probably a cabin. She breathed a sigh of relief; she could probably find her way back from here. She was running now, but when she noticed the sign denoting the name of the campsite, she stopped dead in her tracks.

Maple Way.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Identitarian led Ancom through the woods. They had strayed far from the path, and Ancom was surprised Nazi could navigate through the unknown woods so easily. Qui stayed as close behind as possible, afraid that qui would never find quir way back if qui fell behind. Qui hated being so dependent on the fascist. This felt less like mutual aid and more like the exploitation of labor. Few words were exchanged between the two during this trek, the uncomfortable silence only adding to quir uneasiness. 

“So, uh… nice weather today, right?” Qui siad, breaking up the tension. The weather in fact wasn't nice; if anything, the fog seemed to be getting thicker.

“Indeed.”

“You don’t think the others have noticed that we’re gone, right?”

“Don’t be stupid, of course they haven’t.”

“Are we almost there?”

“Stop with your inane questions. I’m trying to focus.”

“Oh, s-sorry.”

The two continued for a time until White Nationalist abruptly stopped.

“We’re here.”

Ancom walked toward the abandoned campsite, simultaneously creeped out and awestruck. As qui approached, qui could barely make out a figure standing in the fog, but it hadn’t seemed to notice quem. The fear suddenly came rushing in, and qui turned around only to find that Nazi was gone. Qui was utterly alone to defend quirself against this unknown person. Qui picked up a stick that was laying on the ground; it would have to serve as a makeshift baseball bat.

“Who’s there?” qui called, trying to sound brave. Quir voice was shaky; qui hadn’t hid quir anxiety very well. The shadowy person turned around to look at quem. 

“Ancom, is that you?”

“Ancap!” Qui rushed over to the capitalist, dropping the stick.

“Please tell me you know how to get out of here.”

Quir face fell. “I don’t, but Nazi does.”

“Nazi?”

“Yeah, she’s the one that brought me here. She was here just a minute ago.”

Ancap narrowed her eyes. “But that’s impossible. She told me that you had run off to hide in the woods after you two had an argument.”

“And you believed that? Ancap, I’m insulted. She told _me_ she left her jacket here and wanted me to come with her to look for it.”

There was a moment of silence between them as they realized they had been duped. Suddenly Tankie emerged in the same clearing. “Kulak! You found anarkiddy! But… where are we?”

“No time to explain. We need to get out of here. Now.”

“Too late, mortals!” a voice boomed from somewhere. It didn’t come from any particular direction; it almost sounded like it was inside their own heads. It wasn’t like any human voice, it sounded supernatural, demonic. Tankie grabbed Ancom’s hand, and they started to run, Ancap following behind them and holding on to her fedora. They disappeared into the forest, the fog masking their whereabouts, until…

They came across a clearing. One filled with abandoned cabins that looked eerily similar to the one they’d just escaped. Sure enough, the dreaded sign came into view. Maple Way.

The spirit let out a hideous, dissonant laugh. It was about as pleasant as nails on a chalkboard. “You fools. You have fallen into my trap. Your ‘Identitarian’ is gone. I am the one who brought you here.”

“What do you want from us??” asked Tankie, her hands balled into fists.

Suddenly, they were flung into in one of the decaying cabins, the door slamming shut before them.

“It is simple. I become powerful by consuming the souls of the weak. Your little friend accidentally opened a portal between our worlds, and I have been set free from my prison.”

“Ugh, you sure you’re not Nazi? You really sound like her right now,” remarked Ancom.

“Stop interrupting me, imbecile! I am far more powerful than her, for she is a mere mortal, and I am a god.”

“When will you fascists realize that your ideology is destined to eat itself up? The definition of the masterrace just becomes narrower and narrower until no one short of a literal god is allowed to exist. I can’t stand this stupid propaganda,” Ancom continued. “I knew I shouldn’t have come here, I’m not in the mood to debate fascists right now.”

“Uh… Uh, well…” the spirit struggled for a rebuttal to Ancom’s argument. Admittedly, he wasn’t prepared to debate the sustainability of his politics, because 99% of campers would already be dead by now. Then he remembered the secret weapon. “Well ‘Ancom’ it was an understandable choice given your circumstance,” the spirit smirked.

“What circumstance?” Ancap questioned.

Well, there was no getting out of this one. Ancom decided qui wouldn’t let the spirit have the satisfaction of outing quem. “I-I was reading yuri doujin and Nazi- well I guess the spirit- blackmailed me into coming,” qui blurted out before qui could change quir mind.

Tankie paused, unsure what to say. For just a moment, she had forgotten about the evil spirit which had trapped them and would shortly steal their souls. “Anarkiddy, are you... gay?”

“Yes.” Why had it been so easy to tell people at school, but so hard to admit to quir lifelong friends? “And… That’s not all." They were all about to die, so qui figured it was now or never. "Tankie… I love you.”

There was a moment of silence exchanged between them. Ancom looked into Tankie's eyes and saw an emotion qui didn't fully recognize. And maybe the Marxist-Leninist didn't understand it either.

“This is all very touching,” boomed the voice, “but this is no high school coming of age movie. Now mortals, say goodbye to your souls!” 

“Not so fast, you pinko. Are you the spectre of communism? Because my soul is _my_ private property and you are trying to steal my wealth.”

“Kulak, you are wrong. This spirit must be a capitalist, because he is exploiting the proletariat and stealing the value of our labor while leaving us to suffer. Thus accumulating unearned wealth on the backs of the gentle laborers.”

“Look, I’m not a communist or a capitalist or whatever. Why does this have to be political? I just wanna grill people's souls for god's sake.”

There was a deadly science for a couple of seconds.

“Did you hear that? He’s…”

“A centrist!” the three of them exclaimed in unison, a renewed sense of energy and power coursing through their veins. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say that exactly,” the spirit said. “I’m more apolitical really. Look, it’s not important. The point is, you’re done for.” A shadowy figure began to materialize. Its form was like that of a horribly deformed, grossly oversized 5 year old girl. It had three arms which twisted at inhuman angles and ended in slender, skeletal hands adorned with long claws. Its face was warped into something barely recognizable as a face except for its burning red eyes and giant mouth filled with razor sharp teeth. Most would cower in fear at this sight, but not the extremists, for they saw right through him.

“Shut up! Nobody has time for your wishy washy bullshit! The neoliberal status quo is failing, and the only reason people think it works is because the state is violently repressing dissenters!” Ancom roared, charging at the monster with full force.

The demonic entity dodged out of the way, sending the anarchist barrelling into the wall. “I don’t want to partake in this vapid system that only divides people!”

“No, anarkiddy!” cried Commie. “You think that by choosing not to participate in politics, you are taking the moral high ground, but you're wrong! By not actively choosing an ideology, you are implicitly accepting the status quo, and that is still political! You are supporting the growth of wealth inequality and the exploitation of the working class through global capitalism!” the authoritarian delivered a swift punch to the spirit’s face.

“Politics is pointless! There is no objective best system, and all that it causes is useless arguments which will never go anywhere! It’s impossible to make everyone happy, so why bother trying to change the system we have now?” the demon spat as it recovered from the blow and picked her up with its freakishly strong arm and flung her across the cabin.

“Oh, that’s it. You violated the NAP, and now you’ve lost protection from it. Just because there isn’t a perfect solution to all the problems of our society doesn’t mean we can’t try to improve. We all know that our ideal societies are utopian, but people like you could literally live in hell and still argue that there’s no point trying to change the system because no system is perfect! At least under capitalism, the people truly have a say because they can vote with their dollars! It's the most democratic system there is, and it's only ruined by state intervention!” Ancap kicked the demon in hopes of knocking it to the ground, but it grabbed her leg and slammed her down on the floor, knocking her unconscious.

“You fools thought you could defeat me! You never had a chance!”

“Not so fast, Jew,” hissed Nazi, kicking down the door. “Centrists like you actively contribute to the degradation of my people’s culture and traditions, because if you don’t participate in the culture war, you’re helping the enemy.” 

“You!" The spirit exclaimed. "Pah, it is no matter. Your friends are weak, and so are you. You are all the same, so why should I listen to you?” 

“I already know you won’t listen to me because facts don’t care about your feelings. You centrists want to act like you’re so rational and open minded, but you are the least rational of us all!” Identitarian slipped past the demon and reached under the bed, finding the very thing she had hoped would be there. The ouija board.

“What are you doing with that old thing? Don’t you know it’s just a bit of cardboard with letters printed on it?”

“Sorry degenerate, but I don’t listen to mainstream news,” White Identitarian smirked, stabbing her pocket knife into the ouija board. 

Nothing happened.

The spirit laughed. “Did you truly think defeating me would be so simple? The problem with you extremists is you lack nuance. You’re unwilling to accept facts that contradict your narrative. For instance, you hate gays so much, and yet you are one.”

Nazi didn’t speak as the centrist demon approached.

“You could have accepted that and let your ideology crumble, or you could continue to live in convenient denial. But you’ve been so far indoctrinated into your own radical politics that it’s not even a _choice_ to you.”

Now the spirit was within striking distance, but the social darwinist stayed still, silent, looking down at the ground.

“You know that I’m right. Look at you. You think that you are the master, but you are the slave. You’re so stuck in your ways that you continue to live in self denial and self hatred just to uphold your phony morals.” The apparition leaned in close, looking White Identitarian in the eye.

“But you can’t even do that, because you’re in love with a-”

He fell to the ground, pocket knife sticking out of his back. “Centrists are only powerful in stable times.” Identitarian bent down to retrieve the weapon. “But this is a turbulent situation, and radicalism can't be suppressed.”


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real treasure was the friends made along the way. That and the new plans for mass-scale politicide brewing in the minds of the youth.

Ancom finally came to after who knows how long. Quir head was throbbing with pain, and qui was lying in the world’s least comfortable bed. A musty smell filled quir nostrils, and qui opened quir eyes to see that qui was still in the abandoned cabin. But qui wasn’t alone.

“Anarkiddy, you're awake!”

Qui turned quir head to see Tankie sitting beside quir. 

“What happened?”

“When you charged the filthy centrist, he dodged your attack and you slammed into the wall. Then I attacked him and he knocked me unconscious. When I woke up, Nazi told me she had defeated the demon.”

The memories of the battle with the evil spirit came flooding back. “Oh.” Ancom paused for a few seconds. “Thanks for staying here with me, Tankie.”

“Да, you are my comrade.”

“Where’s everyone else?”

“The rightists went back to the campsite a while ago. I stayed behind to make sure you were okay.”

“H-how long has it been?”

“I don’t know.”

Ancom slowly sat up. “I guess… I guess we should get going then.”

When they stepped outside, the fog had cleared and the sun was low in the sky, coloring the light the faint golden hue of an afternoon turning into evening. The creepy aura that had previously loomed over Maple Way was now gone, replaced with a triumphant peace. 

“You uh, don’t happen to know the way, do you Tankie?”

“Don’t worry Anarkiddy. Just follow me.”

Qui nodded and followed quir friend into the forest, a warm feeling bubbling inside of quem.

“So… What you said before… Is it true?” the authoritarian asked.

Qui blushed, looking down at the ground. “To be honest Tankie, I kinda hoped you’d forgotten.”

“Why?”

“Well, I know you’re straight, and also you have a boyfriend, and I don’t want to make things awkward between us, because honestly you’re really cool and I don’t always agree with you politically but I don’t want to lose you as a friend and…” Tankie did something neither of them had expected. She leaned in, and before Ancom could finish quir thought, she kissed quem. It was quick, and before either of them really knew what was happening, it was over. 

Quir heart was beating faster than a Nazi running from an Antifa rally. It had been a long time since qui had felt this excited; the only thing running through quir veins was pure euphoria. 

“But Tankie… What about Justin?”

“Do not worry about him, Anarkitty. If it’s between you and him, then I will gladly choose my comrade who has stood by my side for years.”

“Is this… Is this leftist unity?”

“Да, I suppose it is.”

“Well, I’m not going to become a bootlicker just because of this,” Ancom teased.

“Maybe if you read theory, you would see that true communism requires a strong state,” grinned Tankie. 

Ancom laughed. “Yeah, I guess leftist unity really is impossible after all. But at least we can still have class solidarity.”

They walked back the rest of the way holding hands and debating ideology lovingly. When they finally reached the campsite, Ancap and Nazi had already started a fire.

“Pssst, Tankie, I think we should keep this on the down-low around Nazi. You know she’s very homophobic.”

“Yes, good idea.” They stopped holding hands and approached the rightists, who had set up some folding chairs around the fire pit.

“...it’ll be called Ancapistan. And get this, your worth as a man will be the worth that you bring. We’ll treat our trade partners as if they were brothers, and…” Ancap was in the middle of discussing some devious scheme when the leftists arrived.

“Oh, you’re back. Feel free to get some chairs, I was just telling Nazi about the city I’m gonna build when I’m older. I think you’ll like it Ancom, there’s no government tyranny, we’ll be finally free!”

Tankie rolled her eyes, her arms crossed. “I would much rather have government ‘tyranny’ than the mass suffering that is inevitable under capitalism.”

“Classic statist, of course you would say that. But you see, capitalism is what brings innovation. You wouldn’t even have that phone if it weren’t for the free market,” Ancap said, pointing to the phone in Commie’s pocket.

Identitarian sighed. “Do you two ever stop arguing about capitalism? Seriously, it’s annoying as shit.”

“As if you don’t start arguments just as much as the rest of us,” said Ancom, rolling quir eyes. “Watch this: being gay is natural.”

To everyone’s surprise, this comment was met with radio silence.

“I’m shocked you haven’t started talking about outdated versions of the DSM yet.”

“Look… I’ve been thinking about that, and, well… Homosexuality isn’t entirely incompatable with fascism.”

The other three started laughing. “Looks like the cuck PC media has brainwashed you after all,” giggled Ancom, wiping the tears from quir eyes. 

“I guess this means the white fertility rate has made a rebound,” added Ancap. “My friend Hoppean will be happy when he hears about this.”

“Oh, go to hell. I thought you of all people would be happy Ancom. I guess you’re the homophobic one after all.”

They started laughing even more at this accusation.

“Why’d you have a sudden change of heart? Did you finally realize pandering to the gays can be a profitable business decision?”

White Nationalist looked slightly embarrassed. “Okay, you know what, I won’t allow you to ridicule me like this. I’m going to the cabin. Tell me when we’re having dinner.”

Tankie waited until Nazi was out of earshot. “Do you think she might be gay?”

“I’d bet money on it. You know what they say, the most homophobic people are usually the most closeted,” smirked Ancap.

“Honestly Ancap, that argument is just a way to deflect the blame for homophobia on to queer people and not the heteronormative society which has forced us to internalize all of this self-hatred in the first place.”

“So you think she’s straight?”

“Well, I didn’t say that,” Ancom chuckled. “Maybe this will finally make her realize that fascism is a terrible ideology.”

"Just as long as she doesn't become a liberal," commented Tankie. "Then she'll have to get the bullet."

"I must admit, it was quite enjoyable destroying that centrist demon. We should do it again sometime," said Ancap.

"Debating that guy was like debating a fascist. It's just a waste of time, and after he got his feelings hurt he started getting violent!" replied Ancom.

"Who said anything about a debate?" said Commie. 

"So long as it doesn't hurt my profits, I'm in," responded Ancap. "Now is anyone else starting to get hungry?" She eyed Tankie smugly, but the statist chose to ignore it.

“Well, I suppose I should go get Nazi so we can roast hotdogs.”

“We’re having smores after, right?”

“Of course, Anarkitty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been fun everyone. I'm so thankful for all your comments and kudos!! I'll probably be doing more fics soon, but for now, I'll leave you with the song that inspired it all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnbI0OR1IWU


End file.
